Timing is such a funny thing...

So I had a Doctor appointment today. It's still a little surreal, but I need to get it out. The Doctor couldn't find a heartbeat. He said, "That is not so uncommon at 10 weeks." But I could tell he was worried. He squeezed me in for an ultrasound where they confirmed that our little baby no longer has a heart beat. As I sat and watched the lines that moniter the heart go flat across the screen, I knew. I tried so hard not to think about it, but you have to eventually right? All the worries I had about fitting into our little house are no longer necessary, but I wish they were still valid.
What's hardest is that I still feel pregnant, but now I can't attribute it to the joy that will come in the end. They tell me that I will stop feeling pregnant when they get the baby out tomorrow.
Lance said that we needed to give this little baby a heart and a body. I watched his little heart beat during my ultrasound at 6 weeks. It was strong. I was never worried. Even when the Doctor looked worried, I didn't feel any anxiety.
Now the baby is still there, but no longer living. I already miss him, or the thought of him, so much. I have a new appreciation for all of the awesome people I know that have gone through the same thing and so much worse. I know everything will be ok, and even though I cry I don't feel like this is a mistake. The Lord knows what he is doing, and I know there are a lot of little spirits waiting to come to earth.
Now I hold on to Calista so much stronger. Lance and I are so lucky to have her and each other.
So just a week ago, we decided that it was time to tell all our great news, timing is such a funny thing...